Mike had a long 5 days doing longer hours than expected, but today was the finale, and he was satisfied. Though the work days were long, he felt inspired, motivated and determined on the job at hand. Today we got to FaceTime for a bit longer and he seemed relieved, happy and proud of his performance.
So I asked him, would you put a penny in the penny jar? And he nodded. He felt accomplished and is looking forward to what lays ahead for him during his deployment.
So what is the penny jar? Well awhile back, he had this idea for having a jar sit on your desk and on days that you feel like you earned your keep, you place a penny in the penny jar. Eventually all those pennies would add up and you can see the amount you have accomplished. Sometimes jobs can go unthanked, but as long as you’re proud and satisfied with what you have done, that’s the most important thing.
His deployment was going to be challenging for me on the home front, and I knew that. But I always looked at it as a chance for me to be independent, work on myself and have some personal growth. I’ve never backed down from a challenge, because I like to see what my limitations are and how to improve on them. But I didn’t think my life would take this drastic of a turn in the first month of his deployment.
My last day at my job was yesterday. I have mixed emotions but not because of the departure, more so because for the first time I feel like I’m outside of the fenced yard. I’ve been coaching college lacrosse for 10 years and now I’m not. Being a coach has been my identity, and coaching has also helped me through some really brutal times in my life. When my husband passed away, I threw myself fully into coaching, and my 2014 lacrosse team was there to hold me up. Forever my favorite team I’ve ever been a part of, simply because they showed me love, compassion, and offered me direction. But there’s this whole new journey that awaits and I’m alone leading the charge. I’m peering directly into the grinning face of the unknown. Each day another step towards it, but I can’t turn back the only option is to go towards that menacing smile. I’ve been fantasizing about life without restraints for so long, and here is my chance to run free, to run toward every opportunity that catches my eye, but for some reason this sense of fear has held me back. But I can roam, I can leap from side-to-side, then twirl around embracing life. However, there’s trepidation although my closest loved ones remind me this is a good thing. And it is. Nothing gold can stay, and this gold has been chipping away since 2013, and I was too scared to admit, but so many others around me saw it. Well, I’m finally outside the yard I’ve been milling around for too long.
My fitness colleague posted something that made me begin to self reflect on what my thought processes need to be. I need to now stop walking by sight, but begin running on faith. Stop moving day to day but live with purpose. Stop looking for the easy road, but wander into uncharted territory. I want fulfillment and I need to embrace the unknown.
It’s time to begin sniffing around what this world has to offer, follow a trail and see where it takes me.